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06 July 2006 @ 11:57 pm
HEY FEEL PRIVILEGED. You guys get to read it if you want to even though I've posted it to hxt which most of the people on my friends list will see before they see this and ARRRRGH. -Runs away again.-

(HEY IN CASE YOU AREN'T AWARE THIS IS YAOI, BOYSMUT, ETC. so please avoid if you would prefer not to read about sappy men getting up close and personal *^____^* thank yooou!)

Title: Delicate
Author: Tash (robotalarm)
Pairings: Tetsu x Hyde
Rating: R (sex is described but not graphic)
Summary: Sweet and sappy song-fic written to (and in tune with) the song "Delicate" by Damien Rice. I strongly recommend listening to the song while you read, it completes the experience a little and that was how it was written. The song can be downloaded here (Megaupload, 192kbps, 7.2MB).

We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home

The vocalist and the bassist were curled up in the corner of the studio, sharing a hand-written sheet of music, Tetsu ambling over his lines again and again with the heavy purr of his bass as Hyde memorised his words, preparing for a recording. They were talking, their voices soft and lulling in the quiet studio, the acoustics bringing their words back to them. Talking about the song, talking about the meaning behind the lyrics as if neither of them knew. There was no need to lie when the studio returned only their voices to them, but the game played on.

Every breath Tetsu took brought his body closer to Hyde's. Their sides brushed, causing fabric to rustle, and the friction made Tetsu quiver. They were both conscious of it. And neither made the effort to move away.

Hyde's soft words turned husky as he shifted himself, turning to face the bass player, to lay his hands on his cheeks. The skin flushed beneath his touch, but Hyde only smiled as he leaned in closer, his lips a feather's touch across Tetsu's own. They were alone, and in that moment, they belonged only to each other.

Their kisses had become heavier, passionate displays of their desire within moments, Tetsu's mouth lost in the pleasure of Hyde's warmth, the softness of his pout, even the taste of him. Sweet, despite the lingering taste of his cigarettes. As he pulled away, he left kiss after kiss on those lips, loving the way they blended with his and swallowed his whole. They were swelled from the fury of their liplocks, and the way Hyde breathed him in when they embraced afterwards was intoxicating. It was always too much for him.

The work no longer mattered, and with only that sheet music, Tetsu guided him out to the parking lot, opening the door to his car. Hyde climbed in, leaving a lingering kiss on the corner of Tetsu's mouth that promised everything he ached for.

We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate

With every inch of ground they covered, Hyde assaulted him with kisses, until they reached the front door. Tetsu pressed him into it as he fumbled for his keys, their kiss luxuriously slow as he let them in. There was no rush... there never was.

Hyde knew his home as well as he did, and before Tetsu could begin to guide him, Hyde had slipped out from his embrace and darted up the stairs -- straight into Tetsu's bedroom. Here in this place, they were protected. No one could touch them here. No one could hurt Hyde for cheating on his wife. No one could hurt them for being this way, for being together. In this place, they were the only ones alive. And in only this place could their love be so pure.

As Tetsu ascended the stairs, he watched Hyde slip out of his clothing, dropping every article into a pile on the floor. He shook his hair out, preening the strands in the mirror on the opposite wall, and Tetsu smiled as he watched his lover perfect himself. Just for him. Tetsu wound his arms around him from behind, his lips gracing slow, delicate touches across the black line marking the tip of Hyde's shoulder. The quiver that coursed through Hyde's body made his embrace tighter, his kisses searing against Hyde's skin.

When Hyde turned in his arms, his hands were instantly on Tetsu's chest, and within moments, Tetsu was as bare as Hyde was. Their hands roamed around one another's bodies as their lips met again and again, their hunger increasing with each taste. Finally, Tetsu guided them back and they fell to the bed, their limbs entangling, Tetsu winning the battle that was always waged in the beginning and falling atop the vocalist's willing, trembling body.

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known

Their lovemaking was intense, and it claimed both of them, devouring them whole and throwing them into a state where the outside world was nothing but a blur outside the shell around them. Their joined bodies were only a means of housing that pleasure, and of housing the swarming ecstasy of being bonded in such a way, soul to soul. That was how Tetsu saw it.

Hyde's eyes were burning with moisture, as they often did when they made love, and Tetsu's shaking lips brushed away the droplets that strayed and rolled down his temples. He cried because it was perfect, and because of the way Tetsu made him feel. Alive, protected, beautiful and like he was the only one in his lover's heart. Like there was room for no other. And yet, neither could deny that it was a fact; there were no others. Not for either of them.

They climaxed together, their bodies a tangled mess of limbs and hair and sweat, and when Tetsu collapsed against him, he heard Hyde whispering. Whispering words of love and passion, of pleasure and regret, words that he had borrowed from his lyrics, referencing love that biblical terms could never do justice. Tetsu recognised all of them, and breathed echoes of the words back... words that he, too, sang in their songs.

And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

As Tetsu held him that night, watching Hyde's chest rise and fall with the slow, deep breaths of his slumber, he wondered. Even now his lover claimed love was mythical, even impossible. That there was no way love could last. Tetsu completely disagreed. For ten years, they had been together like this. The time had passed in such a way that Hyde had probably never even realised that they had been in one another's embrace for so long. They had been in love for longer.

Taking a deep breath, Tetsu stroked his fingers through the silky strands of Hyde's hair, the tresses flowing over them like a threaded river. There was no chance that they would catch, not after hours of treatment from his lover's hair stylist for a TV appearance they had recorded that morning before heading to the studio. But whether his hair was perfection, or mussed, tangled and unstyled, it didn't matter. Hyde was perfect.

For the remainder of the night, Tetsu remained awake to watch him, only dozing for the remaining few hours before the sun rose to stir them.

We might live like never before
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate

At rehearsal the following day, Hyde was singing the words he had penned to the delighted band. The words that spoke of pure love, of a love that had never ended, one that continued to be with him, every day.

A lyrical poem. Aptly named.

When the others had left, Tetsu approached him, his heart thundering in his chest, and Hyde greeted him with a smile. They exchanged words about the song, Hyde seeking approval, and Tetsu offering it. But there was something else on his mind.

They stole themselves away to one of Tetsu's favourite places, the evening warm and light and buzzing with an energy Tetsu had never felt before. Perhaps it had something to do with the forest they trekked through, a protected area that was rarely visited at such an hour. A small bribe was all it took to be allowed in by the regular guard. It was there, by a stream nestled somewhere near the heart of the forest, that they paused.

And it was there that Tetsu brought him to the embrace of the soft moss, brought his mouth over each inch of his lover's skin, made love to him with it. They tangled themselves together, desperately clinging to one another under the moonlight, and after their passion had culminated, held one another closely, remaining connected. The air had turned cool and they revelled in the warmth their joined bodies provided, the silence light and comfortable all around them, filled with the sounds of the forest's residents.

Tetsu pulled back, peering down at the man beneath him with nothing but the purest affection, his hand sweeping the tousled, dark locks from his forehead so he could press his lips to it. One look from his lover filled him with such bliss. He was content, satisfied, beautiful, and all of that was clear from the one small smile that had crossed Hyde's expression.

And that moment was what Tetsu had been waiting for.

Reaching for his discarded pants, Tetsu withdrew a small box, snapping it open and resting it on Hyde's chest. The velvet made his fingers tingle as he lifted it, feeling his heart pound. He was nauseous with fear and anxiety, but... he had to go on. Tetsu whispered the words he'd ached to say for so long, and voiced the question he'd been more and more desperate to ask each day in a soft, timid voice, his eyes searching his lover's face eagerly for the answer. Would Hyde be his?

The only form of marriage they could have was a private, false ceremony, but that, in his heart, was worth everything. He watched as Hyde took in the sight of the ring, silver, with a deep blue stone set in it. No diamonds, not for Hyde. He'd wanted to find Hyde the brightest stone he possibly could so there would be no confusion about the colour of it.

He watched as Hyde's serene expression faded into something cold, and as he was gently pushed off of him, and as Hyde dressed and walked away from him. For each of these happenings, Tetsu said nothing and did nothing. Because he knew.

Hyde could give him no more.

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known

The days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months. Hyde was cold to him. He avoided him unless they were in the studio, and only spoke to him to discuss their work even then. Tetsu had lost him somehow, and every day, all he could do was remind himself of how stupid he'd been, how greedy he was. What more could he have from someone like Hyde?

That day, Hyde had left early, without a word to anyone about why he needed to go, and Tetsu had gone home much later, wondering if he was alright and what was happening. It seemed as though his once-lover wouldn't say a word to him unless he had to, especially not about his life. How was he? What was he doing? How did he feel? Tetsu's need for answers was beginning to grow desperate.

As he walked in, he heard rain drizzling down behind him, and then a breath later, it began to pour. He wondered if perhaps nature was simply mirroring his mood. It kept plummeting with more and more force, drenching the world outside and furiously attacking his home in the hopes an open window would let it in. Nothing would come into his home, Tetsu had made sure of that. But in locking himself away, he also locked out others, and the change was hardly unnoticed. Ken had brought it up... but Ken knew very little of their situation. He certainly didn't know why Hyde was shunning him so now, and Tetsu would never tell him. Not now.

And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

Why was Hyde so cold to him now, when the only words he had said to him before all this were full of the warmest affection he'd ever known? Why would he say those things and back out now? Those thoughts kept swimming around in his mind, perplexing him, making him pace around his lounge room to the sound of the rain. It was beating into his roof and against his windows like war drums, like the sound of his pulse in his ears. Tetsu hated this ache, this strange feeling of being more alone than he'd been before Hyde, like his heart was curling up and dying right in his chest.

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known

And then, the thunder rolled above his head, creating a loud bang that made him jump visibly. He was snapped out of his thoughts, drawn to watching the inky sky light up with streaks of white-blue light, illuminating the thick clouds that loomed above the city. But then another bang drew his attention away. It didn't sound like thunder. And then it came again, louder and in a rhythm of three. Tetsu crossed over to his front door, curious now, and pulled it open, met with a soaked Hyde, two bags on either side of him.

And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you

For a good few minutes, Tetsu was silent. It was perhaps five, or ten, or an hour before he finally found the courage to speak, and almost as soon as he opened his mouth, Hyde wordlessly lifted his hands, taking the wedding ring that already sat on his left hand and tugging it off. It landed on the ground with an audible plinking sound, and Hyde didn't even glance down to see where it had landed.

There was only one word on Tetsu's lips; why?

But that word could've meant so many things. Why was Hyde here...? What had happened? Why wasn't he at home, with Megumi and his son, instead of at his front door, dripping wet?

Hyde swallowed hard, stepping into his apartment with his hair hanging in wet tendrils over his face, the ends dripping rainwater down his face, covering up the tears occasionally slipping from his swollen, red-lined eyes. Tetsu couldn't help but think about how beautiful he was, how the very sight of him here sent a pang of agony through his chest. How much he loved him. Hyde reached for him, and Tetsu was instantly in those arms, his lips brushing the cool water from Hyde's features slowly, their mouths meeting for sweetly tender kisses like both were terrified of them. And when Hyde pulled back a little to look at him, all he saw was that warmth... the warmth he'd been so sure he'd lost. And his answer.

Why do you sing with me at all?

"Because... Tetsu, I love you, too."

Mood: nerdynerdy
Music: World In My Eyes [Cicada Mix] : Depeche Mode
Heather: white girlheddychaa on July 7th, 2006 08:01 am (UTC)
I am too embarassed to read it. I got all flushed three paragraphs in. How silly of me!

I will try again later >,>
TASHmanian devil: haitsu // kiss merobotalarm on July 7th, 2006 08:15 am (UTC)
Haha! Why are you all embarrassed?! It's not that bad, surely! -Runs around in circles.- XD
Heatherheddychaa on July 7th, 2006 08:16 am (UTC)
It's not bad. it's just so.. personal... >.>
TASHmanian devil: ht // grope!robotalarm on July 7th, 2006 08:26 am (UTC)
Personal? HOWSO? Elaborate! XD I'm curious!
umbrellaleaf on July 8th, 2006 03:36 pm (UTC)
ooo, is this an updated version of the one you sent me a while ago? i read again, like muchly!
TASHmanian devil: ht // words of loverobotalarm on July 9th, 2006 12:48 am (UTC)
Yeah! I changed a few things and just re-worked some of the sentences so they flowed a bit better again. *^____^* Thank you! I like it! Look at me, all fic-writing and stuff. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEEEN. I keep trying to see you and you don't get on. XD
umbrellaleaf on July 10th, 2006 04:01 pm (UTC)
i have been around! but lately i've been working pretty much every day... so i'm only online late, which i guess is early morning for you, so doesn't work out so well huh X_X;
noooirnoirsama on July 9th, 2006 02:54 am (UTC)
lovely sexy tethai. i love this xD.
TASHmanian devil: bear // ...robotalarm on July 9th, 2006 09:32 pm (UTC)
Hahaha thanks.

If you like, keep an eye on skyborngrey. I'll post more stuff up there eventually, but it'll all get cross-posted to hxt or wherever is appropriate. *^___^*
.D.♪.R.♫.N.: HydeGacktstrawberry_snow on August 10th, 2006 02:47 am (UTC)
Waaaaaaaah, you like Laruku? Okay, I officially heart you. ^_^ I love Laruku. Not that I can usually tell their songs apart, as I have a bad tendency to listen to like, three albums in a row without paying attention to which track is which... xD

Anyway, here's me saying hi since I said to go ahead and friend me but haven't checked you out yet. ^^; A few thoughts:

1) Looked at your userinfo page. Oh. My. *God.* I love your hair. ;_; Red bleeds out so freakishly badly on me. And wicked cute shirt.

2) Roleplaying is yummy. ^___^

3) So you said you're coming to Oregon? What part and when?

4) As you specify being Australian, I assume that means you've lived there enough to feel that it's significant, and thus, posssssibly have an accent? Don't mind if I cyber-molest it just a little bit, then. (Thanks to Darren Hayes, and... er, anyone... it's one of my favourite accents. ^_^) Sooo... um, hi.

5) If that sounds geeky and scares you or is a no-no, I apologize in advance.

6) I leave long lists, if you haven't noticed.

7) So, uh, you say you like hanging out with people and are looking for groovy folks to chill with. Um, imho, I'm boring as heck, so you're welcome to talk to me but please don't run away screaming "SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM MY MISERY!"

8) Where did you find me? O_o Just out of curiosity, since I so totally don't do anything on LJ communities anymore. *bad me*

9) Oops, too long. Okay, bye. ^_^
TASHmanian devil: haitsu // kiss merobotalarm on August 10th, 2006 04:17 pm (UTC)
Woah, long, LONG list. XD Dang. I haven't even added you back yet! Hahaha.

Thank yooou! I love my hair too. ;_;

It totally is, omfg. Haitsu is my OTP.

I'll be living in Portlaaaand, kinda just southwest of the city. Just barely southwest. And at the end of August.

Haha, I'm from Australia, yeah. We moved here when I turned 18, basically, but I went home again and now I've come back again. @@; I do have an Australian accent but I'm worried I might be losing it slowly to an American one already.

Pfft, nothing scares me!

I did notice. But I'm being too lazy to number my replies. HAHA.

... WELL, I WASN'T PLANNING ON DOING THAT. Haha. I'm not like thaaat. But you RP? >>;

Uhmmm, I just did a search on people in Oregon with the interest "L'Arc~en~Ciel". Lalala. XD I wasn't expecting to find ANYONE, though.

.D.♪.R.♫.N.: HydeGacktstrawberry_snow on August 23rd, 2006 01:09 am (UTC)
I have different OTPs all over the place. XD I don't think I have a Jpop/Jrock OTP, though. o.o Mmm... mayyybe gakuhai? XD

*blinkblink* Did you comment to me because you knew I live in Portland, too? XD If it's a coincidence, trippyyyyyyyy.

Nyuuuuuu, don't lose your accent!! *fights back the America* =D

Wish I could say the same, but some things do scare me. Like 12 year old girls getting pregnant and not knowing who the daddy is because they had gotten themselves so drunk/high at the time and have so many 20+ year old partners they can't tell one from the other. O~or, asshole neighbours who round up the dogs and cats of the area and stuff them in garbage bags and drown them or set them on fire. People like that scare me, not because of intimidation but because it's just so freaking sad and get them off me get them off me. Bet that cheered you right up, eh? =D

But I do RP, yes. ^_^ Almost every night, with my best friend. XD I RP with her all the time, and I have two other people who I RP with on a slightly more sporadic basis. And they're allllll up on my site, which is dying sometime this month so I need to renew it li3k wh0a. ^_^ What style of RPing do you do? Some people write script-format, some people do third person narration, some people do first person narration... do you do oricharas or fandom?
.D.♪.R.♫.N.: Kasoustrawberry_snow on August 10th, 2006 02:59 am (UTC)
P.S. Super cute fic. xD Hyde grooming himself before the shag is really freaking adorable. The sex is sweet and unhurried instead of the same old "and they kissed passionately and fell against each other on the bed and thrust together and it was hot and perfect and lalala this is copied and pasted off of Google" that so many fanfics have. ^_^V Kawaii~
TASHmanian devil: ht // words of loverobotalarm on August 10th, 2006 04:18 pm (UTC)
Teehee, thank you! I liked that bit best too. Mm, I need to write more and soooon.
Tiger: hyde faithmuirin on August 11th, 2007 08:26 am (UTC)
That was perfect. Really. LOVED it. My heart wrenched and everything was just.. it's raining outside. Would love to read more of your stories :)
TASHmanian devil: hyde // studyrobotalarm on August 11th, 2007 08:31 am (UTC)
Ah, thank you! This is an old one now, but I haven't done much since. -Fails.- More is coming. You can check out skyborngrey for the others, though.
Tiger: nijimuirin on August 11th, 2007 12:17 pm (UTC)
The song by Damien Rice is beautiful - Never listened to it before. So thank you :)

-Not the quickest writer herself-
Aw~ that's great *runs off to skyborngrey*
TASHmanian devil: sakuhai // grunge doujinrobotalarm on August 13th, 2007 01:29 pm (UTC)
It is! It fit very nicely with the image I had in mind. A lot of his other songs are wonderful, too... I was thinking I might do a Sakuhai songfic to Cold Water (which is a gorgeous but tragic song). Which I will now share with you, at random, because I have it handy. Here: http://www.badongo.com/file/4033399

But shh, don't tell anyone. ^_~
Tiger: squeemuirin on August 13th, 2007 06:14 pm (UTC)
Wow, thank you so much! This song and his voice simply touch my heart ;_; (Could you tell me the name of the female singer please *puppy eyes*) Would *love* to read your fanfiction which belongs to that song :)

I'm completely for a new S.O.A.P. comm~ love the guys and would appreciate a new one ^_^

TASHmanian devil: ht // words of loverobotalarm on August 13th, 2007 06:21 pm (UTC)
Sure! Her name is Lisa Hannigan, but I think she left the band not that long ago, unfortunately!
It'll come. ^^

Thanks for the encouragement! I'm definitely thinking about it. Seems like there's call enough.

You're welcome!